I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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