i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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