yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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