my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
