Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
