those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
