He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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