this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
