My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
