I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
