I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
