I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize