When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
