Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
