6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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