I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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