I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
