I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
