Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
