i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
