My Higher Power is John Stamos
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
