She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ugly people sure do ruin things
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
