I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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