I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
