I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
