A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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