Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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