Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
