So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
