whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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