sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
being pregnant is like rehab
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
