I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
