I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
