she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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