I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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