You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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