Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
