So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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