Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
