So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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