i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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