I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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