Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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