So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Someone came in the potted fern
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize