i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
