escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
