This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
