It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm passing your future prison.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
