Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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