she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
