Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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