thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Having a random hookup so left but love u
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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