Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
