how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
