i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
