I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
