I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
