i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
