Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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