Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
