Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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