just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
