Its about making memories worth repressing
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
