After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
