So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
