Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hippo gnu deer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
50% drunk capacity currently
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
