I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
